SHAN, and Other Darren Shan Song Parodies
by Parody Master
Summary: Originally it was just going to be SHAN, but I've decided now to make a collection. Enjoy!
1. SHAN

Darren, there's your problem with Sam I said, Darren, Murlough was a crazy man.  
I said, Darren, 'cause you're new to the clan,  
There's no need to be unhappy.  
Darren, you've got friends in the night.  
I said, Darren, they will show you the light.  
You need to drink blood, but I'm sure you will find Many ways to have a good time.  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
You miss your family I know,  
But you're a half-vampire now .  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,  
You can do whatever you feel .  
Darren, are you listening to me?  
I said, Darren, what do you want to be?  
I said, Darren, you can make real your dreams.  
But you got to know this one thing!  
One man does it all by himself.  
I said, Darren, take your pride off the shelf,  
And just go there, to the Cirque-Du-uu-Freak.  
Your future is not very bleak.  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
You miss your family I know,  
But you're a half-vampire now .  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,  
You can do whatever you feel .  
Darren, I was once in your shoes.  
Darren, I was down and out with the blues.  
I felt no one cared if I were alive.  
I felt the whole night was so tight .  
That's when someone came up to me,  
And said, Larten, take a walk up the street.  
There's a place there called the Cirque-Du-uu-Freak.  
They can start you back on your way.  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
Your surname is S-H-A-N.  
You miss your family I know,  
But you're a half-vampire now.  
S-H-A-N... you'll find it at the Cirque-Du-uu-Freak.  
Darren, Darren, there's no need to feel down.  
Darren, Darren, get yourself off the ground.  
S-H-A-N ... you'll find it at the Cirque-Du-uu-Freak.  
Darren, Darren, there's no need to feel down.  
Darren, Darren, get yourself off the ground.  
S-H-A-N ... just go to the Cirque-Du-uu-Freak.  
Darren, Darren, are you listening to me?  
Darren, Darren, what do you want to be? 


	2. Madam Octa's Theme

Author's Note: Sorry I didn't update sooner, I went away to camp right after getting SHAN posted. Don't worry, people, I'll update more often, but right now our computer is busted (I'm using a library computer at the moment) so until we get it fixed, you won't here anymore from me (unless I go to the library).

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Toxic', which belongs to Britany Spears, and I don't own Madam Octa (not that I'd want to!) who belongs to Mr. Crepsley who belongs to Darren Shan.

Darren, can't you see

I'm calling

A gal like me should wear a warning

I'm dangerous

Your falling

There's no escape

I can't wait

I need to eat

Darren, your fresh meat

I'm dangerous

I'm loving it

Too high, can't come down

Losing my thread

Spinning 'round and 'round

Do you feel me now

With a bite to the neck

Your on a ride

I'm toxic, your slipping under

Steve's in my poison paradise

Your addicted to me

Don't you know that I'm toxic

You'll regret what you did

Don't you know that I'm toxic

It's much too late to give me up

I took a sip

From your pal's devil blood

Slowly taking over me

Too high, can't come down

Caught in my web

Thrashing all around

Can you feel me now?

With a bite to the neck

Your on a ride

I'm toxic, your slipping under

Steve's in my poison paradise

Your addicted to me

Don't you know that I'm toxic

You'll regret what you did

Don't you know that I'm toxic

With a bite to the neck

Your on a ride

I'm toxic, your slipping under

Steve's in my poison paradise

Your addicted to me

Don't you know that I'm toxic

You'll regret what you did

Don't you know that I'm toxic

With a bite to the neck

Your on a ride

I'm toxic, your slipping under

Steve's in my poison paradise

Your addicted to me

Don't you know that I'm toxic

You'll regret what you did

Don't you know that I'm toxic

Larten wants you now

Get moving now

Leanard's dying now

Destiny's calling now

Get moving now

Leonard's dying now


	3. Oh, Larten!

Disclaimer: Um...you know the drill, I'm too lazy to type this right now.

Summery: Da-da-dun-da! It's a parody of 'The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow' by the people who made the muscal 'Annie'! All right...well, I guess all you need to know is that Darren is singing this...for some reason.

You Will Perform Tomorrow

You will perform tomorrow

Bet your bottom-dollar that tomorrow

You will be the star.

Just thinkin' about tomorrow

Clears away all the cobwebs and the sorrow

Till there's none.

When I'm stuck with a night

That's dark and lonely

I just stick up my chin,

And grin,

And ssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy...

You will perform tomorrow

But you've gotta hang on till tomorrow

Come with meeee!

Oh, Larten! Oh, Larten! I love ya! Oh, Larten!

'Cause your the one who blooded mmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 


	4. Oh, I Just Hate Steve More Than Anything

Summery: And now, a parody of "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" from the Lion King! It's about time I got this down. It takes place in book 10 at the very begining when Darren's still grieving for you-know-who-if-you've-read-book-nine, and speeking of which...DO NOT READ THIS PARODY IF YOU HAVE NOT READ KILLERS OF THE DAWN! YOU WILL BE VERY DISAPPOINTED! Also, this is during one of the times when Darren's talking about his grief to Harkat, just so you know. 

Disclaimer: Don't own the Darren Shan Saga, don't own the Lion King...well, I do, on vidio, but I didn't create it. What else do you need to know?

I Just Hate Steve More Than Anything 

Darren, Evra, and Harkat are standing together in some random area at the Cirque and Darren is pouring out his feeling to them about Mr. Crepsley's death.

Darren: I can't believe he's gone. I miss Mr. Crepsley so much.

Evra: I miss him too. But there's nothing we can do now except remember him for what he was. 

Darren: How could Steve do this to me? He was my friend!

Harkat: He's evil, Darren. What else...is there to it?

Darren: I hate him! I wish he were here right now so that I could wring his neck!

Harkat: Remember, Mr. Crepsley told not to waste...your life on hate.

Darren: I don't care! I hate him so much I could...I could...I could SING!

Harkat and Evra together: Wha...?

Just then music from 'The Lion King' randomly starts playing out of no where and Darren bursts into song

Darren: He used to be my best friend, till we saw that freak show.

Evra: You hate him, he's caused you pain, he killed your mentor I know.

Darren: I'm gonna kill him, just wait and see! Steve will die so painfully! I'm honing my skills, I'm training for the day we shall meet! Oh, I just hate Steve more than anything!

Harkat: You know Larten told you not to waste your life on hate.

Darren: I'll stake him to the ground,

Harkat: You shouldn't-

Darren: I'll chop off his head,

Evra: That's a bit gruesome-

Darren: I'll stuff it with garlic,

Harkat: But that's not necessary-

Darren: Then he'll finally be dead!

Evra: I tried-

Darren: He didn't let me have my say,

Evra: See what happens when people jump to conclusions?

Darren: The clan will live to see another day.

Harkat: I think it's time that you and I arranged a heart-to-heart-

Darren: I don't need advise from ugly midgets first of all!

Harkat: You know I hate that Darren! How could be so insensitive? Next time you need my help, you'll be lucky if I let you live! runs off close to tears

Evra: Your getting wildly out of wing, 

Darren: ignoring Harkat and Evra Oh, I just hate Steve more than anything!

Darren: I'll hit him with my left, I'll hit him with my right, I'll put everything that I've got into this fight!

Evra: You should-

Cirque people Including Mr. Tiny and the rest of the little people, the wolf-man and Mr. Tall: Let everybody go for broke and sing! Let's hear it in the staff and on the wing! A.N: meaning those in paradise:) It's gonna be Master Shan's finest fling!

OH, I JUST HATE STEVE MORE THAN ANYTHING! OH, I JUST HATE STEVE MORE THAN ANYTHING! OH, I JUST HATE STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE MORE THAN ANYTHIIIIIIIIIIING!

music stops abruptly

Evra: So, you hate Steve, am I right?

Darren: Yeah, that about sums it up. 

End 


	5. Vampire Mountain

Summery: Yes, I am truly sad...It's a parody of the Seasemy Street theme song! Don't hate me for this! TT

Starry nights

Under which the vampires fight

There is no light

Where the clan all thrive

Oh, can you tell me how to get

How to get to Vampire Mountain?

Dangerous trecks, taken with great respect

You meet your neighbors and find that their

Sap-ro-trophs...

Oh, can you tell me how to get,

How to get to Vampire Mountain? 


	6. The Battle Hymme of the Vampaneze

Summery: This time, it is a parody of 'The Battle Hymme of the Republic' as sung by the vampaneze. SERIOUS SPOILER FOR BOOK 9!

Disclaimer: Don't own 'The Battle Hymme of the Vampaneze', don't own the Darren Shan saga. End of story.

The Battle Hymme of the Vampaneze -  
Gannen: Mine eyes have seen the glory of The coming of our lord His presence brings us the Conclusion of Destiny's word We might find vitory with his mighty sword But I still have my doubts

Random vampaneze:  
Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord No one cares what Gannen thinks

R.V.: Thank you, Lord, for the power And the hooks you've granted me,  
I am grateful to you For all eternity Revenge is now at hand and glory is for the vampaneze Our Lord shall rule all!

Random vampaneze:  
Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord No one cares what Gannen thinks

Steve: Gannen, please, you're embarrassing me In front of our warriors Why can't you nag to Someone else for once, Don't you ever get board?  
I can't believe I stand for this And yet I am an all-powerful lord Shut up, Gannen, please!  
Random vampaneze:  
Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord No one cares what Gannen thinks

Gannen: I tell you all, You should listen to me I am smarter than you think You'll regret this I swear And not to soon I think Just you wait until the day Steve cuts away the link Please, just let him die!

Random vampaneze:  
Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord Glory, glory to the Vampaneze Lord No one cares what Gannen thinks 

Author's Note: Hehe...hope ya'll liked that. Well, I guess it's about time I gave thanks to my reviewers. Aren't parodies awesome? Anyway, I'd like to say a special thank-you to the following people: The Freaky Butt Mate Ariana the musical genius Inyx Shadow's Dark Angel Sophia Schizophrenic squirrel CirqueDuFreak56

Thank you all for reviewing my story and making me feel special:) 


	7. Yeah!

Summery: Yes, one last parody from the Parody Master! Okay, I was BowDownToMe but that was because I couldn't think of anything better, but I think my new name is more fitting. Don't worry, I won't change it again. Now, this is a parody of 'Yeah!' By Usher as sung by Steve as he's celebrating with R.V. and Gannen about the succeeded death of you-know-who at the end of book 9. Speeking of which...DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU YOU HAVE READ BOOK 9! 

Steve:  
Peace up!  
A Town Down!

R.V.:  
Yeah, Ok! Rightous Vampanze!

Steve:  
Yeah, Yeah Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah

Steve (Verse 1):  
Down in the seweries with my homies, tryna get a lil revenge, but keep it down on the low key, cause you know how it is.  
I saw shorty they was checkin up on me, from the game he was spittin' at my face you would think that he saved me.  
So we decided to kill

Blazing got heavy, Darren had me feelin like he's ready to blow!  
(Watch Out, Watch Out)  
Crepsley's saying come get me, come get me,  
So I got up and followed him to the floor, he said Leonard lets go,  
That's when I told him I said

Steve (Chorus):  
Yeah (yeah) Crepsley got down low and said come and get me Yeah (yeah) I got so caught up as the lord of the vampaneze Yeah (yeah) Darren and me used to be the best of homies Yeah (yeah) Next thing I knew he was all up and screaming:

Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah

Steve(Verse 2):  
So Crepsley's all up in my head now, got to thinking that it might good idea to take me with him,  
Cause he's ready to die (ready to die)  
But I gotta keep it real now, cause it might've been the death of meBut, hey, that just ain't me

Because I don't know if I take that chance just where it's gonna lead,  
But what I do know is the way he dies makes Creepy alright with me.  
The way he (fell low)  
I'm like yeah, just blow your life out for me.  
I asked Darren for one more chance and I'm Like yeah, I'm the Lord of the Vampaneze!  
And I said

Steve (Chorus):  
Yeah (yeah) Crepsley got down low and said come and get me Yeah (yeah) I got so caught up as the lord of the vampaneze Yeah (yeah) Darren and me used to be the best of homies Yeah (yeah) Next thing I knew he was all up and screaming:

R.V.:  
Gannen!

Gannen (Verse 3):  
Watch out!  
Our goal's ridiculous, In the tunnels lookin' so conspicuous.  
And Rowl! These vampires all on the prowl, if you hold the man steady I'll make 'im howl!  
Forget about the legend I'm a spit the truth, Steve won't stop till he get's em in they coffin suits. So gimmie the weopons and it'll be off with our crib, then we'll get the hunters to their lows.  
I left the jag and I took the roles, if they aint cutting then I put em on foot patrol.  
How you like me now, when my opinion's valued less than three hundred thousand,  
Lets drank you the one to please, Gannen Harst fill cups like double d's.  
Me and Steve once more and we leave em dead, we don't want a vampire in the street but a freak in the hammock to say

Steve (Chorus):  
Yeah (yeah) Crepsley got down low and said come and get me Yeah (yeah) I got so caught up as the lord of the vampaneze Yeah (yeah) Darren and me used to be the best of homies Yeah (yeah) Next thing I knew he was all up and screaming:

Gannen (Bridge):  
Take that and rewind it back, R.V. got the beat to make ya booty go (clap) Take that and rewind it back, Steve Leopard got the voice to make ya booty go (clap) Take that and rewind it back, Gannen Harst got the flow to make ya booty go (clap) Take that and rewind it back, R.V. got the beat to make ya booty go (clap)


	8. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! YAY!

**Author's Note:** You ask for it (well…not really) and you got! 'Tis the season for an extra-special Christmas bonus of a Darren Shan-related parody! This year's is featuring "Twelve Days of Christmas" told Shan-style! And here 'tis! Oh, and for other DS Christmas parodies as well as a short book 3 tie-in story written by the master of macabre himself, please click on the following link: http/ bonus Christmas parody 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, an author gave to me,

Twelve freaks a-fighting,

Eleven hobos uniting,

Ten dragons snorting,

Nine humans mobbing,

Eight old friends a-waiting,

Seven mucus balls disgusting,

Six cave spiders frightening

Five pointless trials,

Four wild wolves,

Three curving tunnels

Two of Evra's Scales,

And a deadly spider on the loose and freeeeeee!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!


	9. Twas the Night Before Christmas

**Author's Note:** Okay, because I'm so generous (well, really because I completely forgot about this until recently) I've decided to write a parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, featuring our favorite characters from Cirque Du Freak! The only problem is I didn't portrey it _exactly_ as it happened in the book, so I hope you don't mind that. Well, enjoy , and Merry Christmas!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the tunnels,

Only Murlough was strirring, with his little bundle.

Evra was hung from the ceiling with care,

But God, how he wished he didn't have to be there!

And the fiend was nestled, all snug in his bed,

While visions of bloodshed danced in his head.

And Darren in his 'kerchief, and Larten with dues,

Had just settled their brains for a long midnight's rescue.

Then out in the sewers, there arose such a clatter,

Murlough sprang from the post to see what was the matter.

Away through the tunnels he flew like a flash,

Tearing away darkness, and grinning like mad.

The eyes of the beast upon the old, rotten waste,

Gave anything away to the creature making haste.

When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,

But a tall vampire, and eight glowing leers.

With a vibrant assistant, making such a brave stand

He soon knew it must be Crepsley and Shan.

More rapid than eagles Larten's coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Harkat! Now, Paris! Now, Arrow and Mika!

On, Kurda! On, Gavner! On, on Arra and Seba!

The time has come! Trap him now!

Now fly Onward! Fly onward! Fly onward all!"

As quick wings that before the wild ambush fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So onto Murlough, the coursers they flew,

Heeded by Darren and Mr. Crepsley too.

And then, in a twinkling, the bats did their work,

The biting and drink of each little perk.

They made short work of him, this madman of shame,

Soon he was nothing but a corpse all the same.

Larten stepped forward, dressed in red from head to toe,

And his clothes were all tarnished with blood and gore.

A bottle of blood he now held in his hand,

And he looked like a cannibal, just having a snack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His smile how regal!

His cloak was like roses, his nose like an eagle's!

His long gash of a mouth was drawn up in a bow,

And the flesh of his body was white as the snow.

Though the darkness Darren and he flew,

To save the snake-boy of whom they knew.

They found him, save thanks, in basically good shape,

Though for all Evra knew, Debbie was in a scrape.

The explanations they came, with severe rightness,

Evra laughed in spite of himself, glad for existence!

A wink of Larten's eye and a twist of his head,

Soon let the snake-boy know he had nothing to dread.

Darren spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Disposed of the bodies, then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the manhole they rose!

They sprang out of hell, to the bats gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But Evra heard someone exclaim, 'ere they flitted out of sight,

The voice came from above, though there was nothing in sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"


	10. Bradley Stretch

**Author's Note:** These aren't Christmas specials, but as of late I've been able to come up with four new parodies on account of getting the soundtrack to the new _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ movie! And, in doing so, I was able to get the lyrics to the four Oompa-Loompa songs and turn them into Little Person songs. I had a lot of fun doing these. Imagining the Little People singing always cracks me up! This one is a parody of **Augustus Gloop** turned into **Bradley Stretch**. Oh, and even though their called Little People, I had them singing Oompa-Loompa all the same…it just sounds better that way. 

Bradley Stretch 

Evra brought out the Little People's cooking pot and sat on his knees as he scraped it out with a spoon. He couldn't help but wrinkle his nose – whatever the Little People had been eating it sure did wreak. Ew!

Just then, something golden and shiny fell onto the grass. Stopping, he leaned forward and studied it. When he realized what it was his breath caught painfully in his throat and he nearly choked. He looked at the scraps of meat that lay upon the ground, and his face turned greener than it usually was as he quickly became nauseous. It was…it couldn't be…

"_Oompa-Loompa, Oompa-Loompa, Oompa-Loompa, Loompa, Loompa, Oompa-Loompa…_"

The steady chanting brought him back to reality. He whirled around in alarm, only to see that the Little People were filing one-by-one out the tent behind him, their hoods down, revealing their ugly gray faces and sharp, grinning teeth. A drumbeat started up out of nowhere in tune to the chanting, growing louder as more instruments were added. Evra watched in alarm as the Little People gathered in a circle around the tent, and, to his horror and amazment, they began _singing_, and dancing as if they'd been made to do that their whole lives.

"_Bradley Stretch! Bradley Stretch! The great big greedy awful wretch. _

_Bradley stretch, so cruel and vile, so insulting, rude, and infantile. _

'_Come on,' we cried, 'the time is ripe, to send him shooting to paradise!'_

_But don't, Dear Evra, be alarmed," (it was the Little Person with the limp who sang this line) _

"_Bradley Stretch was never harmed; Bradley Stretch was never harmed!" _

During the music break their strange dance continued. At one point when the music grew soft, they linked arms and swayed from side-to-side, humming, and then the music quickly sped up.

"_Although of course, we must admit,_

_He was altered quite a bit. _

_Slowly temperatures rise to heat, _

_And we added some extra chunks of meat._

_We boiled him for, a minute more, until we were absolutely sure,_

_Then out he came, by God, by grace! A miracle had taken place, a miracle had taken place. _

_This giant brute, this louse's ear, is loved by people everywhere _

For who could hate, or act so shrew, against a luscious bit of STEW!"

After the explosive last word of the song, the music softened and the Little People began to drift away, putting their hoods back on and going back to their stiff, robotic way of walking.

Evra was too disturbed to talk about this anyone.

**Author's Note (cont.): **(claps enthusiastically) Aren't they just delightful? Are they charming? More to come soon!


	11. Mr Tiny's Prophesy

Author's Note: This one takes place at the time when Mr. Tiny arrives at vampire mountain in the beginning of Hunters of the Dusk in order to give the 'good' news to the vampires, and the song is to the tune of the **Violet Bearagarde** song.

Mr. Tiny strolled through the many tunnels of the mountain, followed closely by the two little minions he'd brought with him as well as Darren Shan and the Little Person Harkat Mulds. The latter two were terrified to find him in their presence once again and wondered what kind of doom would be brought upon them.

Mr. Tiny, meanwhile, was humming some kind of cheerful little tune to himself. Darren noted that he was sort of strutting as he walked. There was a _drip-drip-drip_ sound like water dripping from hidden source in the mountain, but it seemed to be following them. Any vampires or guards they passed would stop what they were doing and stare open-mouthed at the procession, immediately recognizing Mr. Tiny, and most even trailed behind.

As they neared the Hall of Princes and the crowd of vampires grew bigger, the dripping sound was joined by a curious and rhythmic flapping, like batwings, and soon after some kind of procession. Mr. Tiny grinned to himself and whipped out a pair of sunglasses from somewhere in his coat, placing them over his eyes. The sounds were beginning to sound more like a funky beat of some cheap human music, and it was playing Mr. Tiny's song.

They entered the hall of Princes, Mr. Tiny climbed up onto the platform where the Princes sat (Mika and Paris were present at the moment and watched in surprise as events unfolded) joined by his two Little People who removed their hoods and grinned down at their audience. Darren and Harkat also stood upon the platform, uncertainly.

The call of the music could hold them no more. Mr. Tiny, with one Little Person on either side of him, strutted forward like they were the Backstreet Boys or something and they began their song.

"Yeah!

Listen close; every man, the tale of the vampire clan.

This dreadful bunch, they see no wrong,

Fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting all night long.

Fighting, fighting, all night long

Fighting, fighting all night long,

Fighting, fighting all night long."

Harkat couldn't resist – he remembered all the nights he and his brothers spent practicing their songs and dance moves (it was what the seemingly zombie-like Little People were most proud of) – and joined them, standing a little behind the trio so that the four of them together formed a sort of diamond. He picked up the words and dance from the mental signals they gave off for him and quickly picked up the routine.

"_Yeah!_"

"Their rivals go on searching till at last, their prophesy has come to past.

And from their ranks a great leader,

Spells out doom for the vampires…

Fighting, fighting, all night long

Fighting, fighting all night long,

Fighting, fighting all night long.

For years and years he trains away,

His troupes get stronger everyday,

And with one great tremendous war,

The vampire clan is no more.

And that is what is prophesized

Unless three hunters find the prize.

Fighting, fighting all night long,

Fighting, fighting all night long,

Fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting all night long.

Fighting, fighting all night long…"

The Little People's song ended and they strolled of the platform, finishing with a very quiet chorus that trailed away as they replaced their hoods. The vampires watched, dumbstruck from the song, as the Little People left the hall (except for Harkat, who looked rather disappointed that the fun was over and had to let the meaning of the words sink in.)

Mr. Tiny remained standing near the edge of the platform. He removed his sunglasses, folding them neatly and slowly before sliding them back inside his jacket. To the vampires, he said only,

"And you can take that to the back."


	12. Another Song from the Little People

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NOT READ BOOK 12 THIS WILL RUIN IT FOR YOU!

Well, now that that's out of the way let's begin (oh, and this is to the tune of Veruca Salt):

Harkat Mulds (a.k.a. Kurda Smahlt) crept up slowly to the edge of the Lake of Souls. His mournful, wondering eyes were searching for a dear friend of his, whom he had recently learned from his rather peeved ex-master Desmond Tiny that his friend's soul hadn't made it to Paradise.

Harkat cried out when he saw Darren's sorrowful countenance appear briefly upon the lake's surface before his soul swam away again. The Little Person collapsed upon the shore of the Lake, hoping again for another glimpse.

"Darren, Darren Shan," he murmured sadly. The other souls in the Lake swirled beneath him, obscuring Darren from view.

Some kind of hippy music started playing out of nowhere. Harkat jerked his head up, and saw his brothers gathering around the perimeter of the Lake, their hoods down, giving a fine view of their butt-ugly faces.

"Ooooohhh – ooooohhh – ooooohhh – oooohhh."

Groan. He knew Mr. Tiny had sent them along for some reason! Harkat groaned, stood, and backed away as the other Little People linked arms and began swaying from side-to-side in tune to the music. 

"Prince Darren's soul for its own sake

Has just dived down into the lake."

They unlinked their arms and started doing sort of weird skipping-thing while they sang. Harkat couldn't help thinking that this was the stupidest dance he'd ever seen.

"And he will meet as he descends

A rather different set of friends.

A rather different set of friends, a rather different set of friends!"

They stopped skipping and all but three or four of the Little People backed away from the Lake. The ones that were left had solos, and gestured towards the waters in turn as a certain soul would break the surface of the lake for a brief moment, right on queue.

"A gangster, for example found,

This morning dead upon the ground,

A killer from a killer's crew,

The rapist who raped my friend Drew."

The other Little People came inching towards the Lake again while the next line was sung. "And lots of other things as well,

Each with their rather horrid tales! (Horrid tales)"

All of them at the same time started spinning slowly and moving away from the Lake, stopping after moving just a few feet and raising their arms above their heads. 

"These are poor Darren's newfound friends

That he will meet as he descends,

These are poor Darren's newfound frieeee – eeeee – eeeends!"

The same four who'd had solos broke away from the grip and came trotting closer the Lake's shore. The others swayed some more, humming. 

"Who went and killed him, who indeed?

Who turned away to all his pleads?

Who took the nine lives from the cat?

Who are the culprits? Who did that?

The guilty ones, now this is sad,

Are good old bro…"

One of the Little People took out a framed picture of Steve Leopard from inside his robes and tossed into the Lake's waters, while at the same time another was just taking out a picture of Mr. Tiny. (Which it threw in upon the last word.)

"…and loving Dad!"

The song ended. Harkat watched as the Little people broke the circle, mentally laughing and congratulating each other. Harkat threw his arms up in the air in anger.

"Why do you guys always…have to make a song out of…everything"  
And with this malevolent cry he ran away like an angered teenage girl, green tears of frustration already streaming down his face. His brothers giggled wickedly in unison like the little devils they were. 


	13. The Most Important Thing

**Author's Note:** This is to the tune of the last of the Oompa-Loompa songs, **Mike Teavea. **Again, I must warn you off if you haven't read book 12. I think I'm somewhat week on the storyline, but the main point is the song anyway. I would say this is my last song parody, but I said that a long time ago and had to put up, like, five more so there might be others in the future…

Mr. Tiny stood by the pool of acidic green liquid and listened to Darren's howls of agony as it began to dissolve him. He smiled, enjoying hearing the tortured screams of the boy who had foiled all his plans, even if he was his _own_ son. Darren's insides were starting to dissolve completely when pulsing rock music resounded from further along in the cavern. Interested, Mr. Tiny half-turned his neck to see behind him, and saw many of his servants grimly caught up in a nice, hypnotic dance. His smile grew wider. He always enjoyed it when they sang, and often helped direct them too. He couldn't watch for too long though, because Darren's bones had sunk to the bottom of the pool and if he didn't get them out soon they'd melt as well.

"_The most important thing, _

_That we've ever learned _

_The most important thing we've learned as far Des Tiny's concerned_

_Is never, never sell your soul to this barbaric man_

_Or better still learn to ignore_

_Mr. Tiny's old rotten core. _

_Ah-ah…nevernever let him…_

_Ah-ah…nevernever let him…" _

Mr. Tiny found himself nodding his head to the tune as he placed together Darren's new skeleton. He'd didn't care the song was about avoiding him – he just liked the beat. The music began to intensify.

"_Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"_

_(Heavy metal music break)_

"_Aahh! Aahh! Aahh! Aahh!_

_Nevernever let him...nevernever let him..._

_He'll rot the senses in your head! _

_He kills imagination dead!_

_He'll clog and clatter up your mind!_

_He makes a soul so dull and blind! (So dull! So dull!) _

_You can no longer comprehend _

_A duty from a cruel command! (A cruel command! A cruel command!)_

_Your brain becomes as soft as cheese_

_Your thinking powers rust and freeze_

_You cannot think, you only SEE! (You only see, you only see) _

_Regarding little Darren Shan_

_We'll just have to see if we can (see if we can) _

_Help him live through the task at hand (at hand…at hand…)_

_We'll just have to see if we can _

_Help him through the task at hand_

_And get his soul to paradise_

_But if we can't…then that's too bad!"_

By this time Mr. Tiny was just finishing up sewing together Darren's skin. Darren himself didn't much look like he was enjoying this, and was even more afraid from the song. Then Darren was sent through the time portal to destroy the destiny of his former self…

**Author's Note: **Thanks to all of you who reviewed my parodies and I hope you will all take the time to read and review future ones as well!

**Genius of Music (Ari)**

**Angelkitten23**

**Untaintedchild**

**SDSLCFan**

**Schizophrenic Squirrel**

**Stained in Negativity**

**DarkLightningEnvy**

**Sophia**

**Inyx**

**Freaky Butt Mate**

'Tis good to know that people still come on to look at Darren Shan fanfiction even if only I and few others are the only ones who still write it now...thank you all!


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